Sarah's vaginal birth with the use of hypnobirthing tools for comfort. Feeling informed to ask and stand up for what they needed.

It was a long and hot pregnancy, pretty sure the hottest summer we’ve had on record- in my lifetime any way. I was 40+ weeks pregnant, pelvic girdle pain throughout, feeling massive and feeling hot. 

40+6 pregnant and my contractions started mid afternoon driving over to a friends house. Being a midwife I knew id be in safe hands with her but decided to head home to make sure Ridley (our eldest son of 2) could be looked after and arrangements made for George to finish work. 

They became more and more frequent throughout the evening so we phoned up the Wallingford Midwife unit to see if they had space. Fortunately they did and requested we call back when the contractions become more frequent.

But then the contractions subsided, and I decided to go to bed at midnight, waking in the morning greatly disappointed that our little bundle didn’t arrive in the night.

The next day was my 41 week midwife appointment, and after last nights movements I was hoping for a stretch and sweep to get things going again. After waiting for and hour (!), thankfully our eldest was with Grandma by this point, we learnt that the midwife wasn’t there and I had no appointment! Fortunately, Wallingford came to the rescue and we dove up to see a midwife there. A stretch and sweep was delivered (I was already two cm) and she assured me that babies coming and if it didn’t come tonight it certainly would very soon. 

She was right. I went to bed at 10 and at midnight woke up to contractions starting up again! Yippee!!

After a while of bouncing on my ball and watching lots of ‘Friends’ to keep up the endorphins, we phoned Wallingford to tell them we my be on our way soon… but they were full! With only one midwife on call and a lady already in labour they didn’t have the staff! Next call, John Radcliff midwife unit- also full! Being short staffed they couldn’t accept anymore ladies that evening. I thus had the option of their labour ward (at a 40 min drive), Wantage midwife unit (also a 40 min drive) or Reading Rushi midwife unit (15mins)… we opted to call the latter; I remember too well from Ridley the experience of a long drive whilst in labour and wanted to avoid it if possible. The Rushi unit was also closed!!! Can you believe it- chose the worst night to have my baby… their lifts were broken so they couldn’t accept patients as the labour ward is on a different floor- in case of an emergency. So decision time: 40 min drive to JR labour ward or 15 min drive to RBH labour ward. Again, we chose the latter… and although I knew I could have progressed further at home I wanted to get somewhere whilst there was still space (!) and try to keep my mind-set positive.

When I got in the back of the car I plugged in my hypnobirthing mantras and relaxed… literally, it was 1am I was getting tired now. I found myself dozing between contractions, yes, dozing… I had practised all of my hypnobirthing affirmations and relaxations at night time (normally falling asleep to them), so I guess my brain just went into relax/sleep mode!

By the time we arrived I was feeling confident and ready to have this baby! It was gone 4 by the time we were examined,,, and my confidence and positive thinking was starting to dwindle…. The mp3s were playing through headphones and I was breathing and trying to stay focused… but the ward was NOT at all the environment that I find relaxing. They were short staffed/over loaded (of course the poor NHS is) and we were greeted by a little old volunteer who really didn’t seem to know what she was doing. More over, we had oxford notes not Berkshire (apparently they write their notes in a completely different language from county to county and cant understand any blood work or information in your notes!). We were eventually examined by a midwife took one look at me and thought I was wasting her time. “you're only 2 cm, you can go home or I can find somewhere for you to wait.” 2cm? I was 2cm 24 hours ago, before my S and S, and I'd been contracting for 4-6, how was I still only 2cm? I wasn’t convinced, her examination was a lot smother and easier than the lovely midwife at Wallingford, I was sure I must be further. But I’m not a professional, and I certainly have not examined myself so who am I to question? We took the option of the room, a cold, small room, with a hospital bed, dirty floors, and a plastic waiting room chair. The woman next door had just been moved into the ward to have her baby and was screaming in pain… 

I started to lose belief and positive mindset… I’m miles off, I'm not in that much pain yet, if that’s what it is I cant do it…. I’m breathing through it now but if I'm only 2 cm and that woman's 10 I don’t think I'm going to breath through this one. The room was freezing, the floors were dirty, and the light was bright white. This, was not relaxing, natural or comforting…. I need to sort this out. Come on Sarah, you’ve got this. I turned of the lights, opened the blinds to allow the natural (sunrise) light in, pumped up our birthing ball, turned on my headphones and focused. 

I noticed that if I breathed in long and slow, in as far as I could and out as far as I could, it only took 3 of those breaths and my contraction would pass. I was gaining control. I took a couple of walks around the ward, to the toilet and back, or to the desk. Every time I was offered pain relief, every time a nurse commented on the level of pain I was in and that it would be getting greater. My birth plan clearly stated DON’T OFFER PAIN RELIEF, DON’T DISCUSS PAIN, I AM USING HYPNOBIRTHING METHODS. Plain English. At the top. No one was reading my birth plan. less than an hour in, I requested another examination, as I felt like I had progressed to the point in which, in my last labour, I got in the bath. My husband returned with a negative, they were refusing to examine me through risk of infection. Policy states they examine ladies every 4 hours. I processed this. Then requested to see the midwife. She told me the same information in person (my husband wasn’t lying) to which I asked what would happen if the baby came in that time, or if I had progressed but they didn’t know. She simply said I wasn’t showing enough pain to be far enough along. I was furious. How does she know my pain threshold? I was hypnobirthing. I was in control. I may not look like I'm in pain…. ? What even is ‘enough pain’? “Can I insist on an examination?” I asked. “You can as your right as a patient, but I really don’t think you are your just not showing the right signs.”

I insisted. I was 5cm. I was ready for the bath. I was hypnobirthing the shit out of this labour. I was euphoric. I was winning. 

She, was wrong. She, had not read my birth plan. She had pissed me off. But more so She, empowered me; she thought I was not in enough pain to be in established labour… I had this. She, then clocked off. A Rushi unit midwife and trainee took over. The first thing they did? Read my birth plan. THANKYOU!

My husband called my mum at this point and we spoke on loud speaker, when I had a contraction mid conversation she asked; “are you still there? Its awfully quiet” I was breathing my baby out. 

I lay on my back for half an hour whilst the bath was running. I was relaxed, in control and feeling like a goddess! When the bath was ready we went into the room. It was dated, roman villa style murals on the wall and a great giant tub with a leaky shower head and plug that constantly let the water out. It was difficult to find a position to breath the baby out without any floats or shelves but eventually I made it work. My hips were in excruciating pain during every contraction which they think, in hindsight, was the baby pushing down on a nerve. Is this a good thing? They hurt more than the contractions so I wasn't thinking about my vagina, but my hips! Also the large tub absent of shelves and floats meant I could fully stretch out and relieve the pain in my hips (always a silver lining). I was in the bath for a couple of hours and everyone in the room knew ‘Danny Gryffis’ from hypnobirthing mantra and could almost read the script themselves, but it was calm. It was relaxed. I had to keep waking my husband up as the room was so quiet and calm. Tbh if it wasn’t for the contractions they’d have been waking me up! It was all so calm. Too calm. I started to worry I wasn’t progressing. Could I be this relaxed pushing a baby out? It should hurt more? It should be progressing quicker. I was starting to sound like that midwife! 

But it was progressing, it was calm. The baby was coming and it was only minutes before my waters broke. 

But then I lost the calm. I lost the control. I couldn’t catch my breath. My three long breaths had turned into a thousand short uncontrolled breaths. I felt like I was fighting. I felt I was losing. I felt, for the first time- scared. 

When the contraction passed the midwife (Trish, by the way, lovely Trish) shared her concern for the babies HR. It was not what they wanted it to be. She advised me to get out the bath so they could monitor the baby constantly. What?! I felt defeated, surely I was so close? Surely I can stay. I was shattered. I was ready to have this baby. She assured me that she really wouldn’t ask if she didn’t think it was best and that she appreciated my birth plan, and everything I was doing but constant monitoring is essential.

Of course I got out of the bath. I had a 6m walk to the adjoining room, but it felt like 60m. I was in established labour now and the contractions were the baby moving down the birth cannel. Stopping mid walk for a contraction was exhausting.  But I made it. the bed was folded so the head rest was upright and I leant over the back of the bed, straddling the mattress. The monitor went on and they continued to worry about the baby. A further contraction highlighted that the baby was in distress and it had to come out soon. “We are concerned but if you can have this out in 5/6 pushes we think it will be okay, if not we may have to get assistance.” 6? I was going to have it out in 3. 

My established labour was less that 15 minutes. I had the baby out in 3 pushes. The midwives held my perineum to prevent any tearing and I came away with a few cuts and bruising. I’d done it. They passed the baby between my legs and I held her. Our beautiful little girl. Monroe. 8lbs10. Born at 9.26.

We were home and cuddling her with Ridley by 2pm that same day. I’d done it. I breathed out my little girl, and she’s amazing.